I have a 2 BHK flat where normally I, my husband and my 11 months old daughter live.
When you enter from the main door of the house there is a small thin passage to leave your shoes and then move forward towards the big rectangular-shaped decorated hall room. Right at the end of the hall room, there are two adjacent bedrooms.
The left one is the master bedroom which belongs to me and my husband, with an attached bathroom and the left one is for our daughter when she grows up, In Shaa ALLAH.
It is obvious that I am quarantined in my bedroom as it has an attached bathroom.
I am claustrophobic and also an Autophobic so to avoid anxiety attacks I leave the door of my room open so that I can see all the activities going around in the hall room where mostly my husband, daughter and maid are.
Every day I see my daughter sleep with my maid on our sofa-cum-bed which I really liked sleeping on, every weekend with my hubby and daughter. I see my daughter play with my maid, hug her, talk to her in her own language, pull her clothes and a lot more. I see my maid feeding my daughter from her hand and sometimes from her own plate too. I can’t say much because at least she is taking care of my child when I am not able to.
I see my husband and maid sitting on the dining table every evening for aftaar (breaking of fast) with my daughter on my maid’s lap.
I am given a plate of the prepared food on a plastic stool at my doorstep which I go and pick up.
I am eating and looking at them. Both my maid and my husband break the fast together. My maid feeds some to my daughter also, which she enjoys a lot and makes happy noises. They seem like a happy family dining together.
I know none of them have any bad intentions but for a wife to see this is so painful.
I feel like I am a dead person. Or maybe my husband’s ex-wife who is looking at them all, sitting on cloud nine and wishing that she was alive to stay with her family.
I am heartbroken because of this quarantine! I was a lady who would ask my husband to come out of the toilet quickly and not waste much time there so that I can get extra time with him. And now I am the one asking him to stay away.
My husband said one day before I was tested COVID+ that, if you take God’s name as many times as you take my name in a day, you will surely earn some good rewards. And right from the next day, I stopped doing it because I was tested COVID+. I told him that God has probably accepted your prayer, maybe you were so fed-up with me.
And on top of everything, if you have a fight with your husband for some outsider and he stops talking to you completely during this tough time, there’s nothing more killing than this.
I am able to write this and bring out a little portion of the volcano that I have inside of me. But there are many who have no way to take out even a bit of it.
Hence, I want to tell everyone to stay as safe as possible, avoid all unnecessary travels, outings and everything that may have the chance of affecting you or your family with COVID-19.
It is really PAINFUL to be isolated even if you are in the same house and are able to see people around you but can’t be a part of their gathering.
Atoofa Khushnood 🙂